Down and up
Jan. 5th, 2006 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eretriaSo, I'm on the verge of a stomach flu, am thus missing one of my last lectures as a post-grad student, have cold feet and am a bit cranky since the Monster is in its final throes and I already feel the withdrawal starting - after all, Auburn and I have been on this for over four months now without a break, seven days a week.
So. When in doubt, rant.
Things I'd be incredibly glad if I never would find them in a story again:
- Sudden proposals. Drawn-out marriage fics in which Sheppard and McKay live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence. (And, actually, that goes for almost all marriage fics, het and slash, except for Wash/Zoe. Theirs is the only TV marriage that is both interesting and layered. For all the others ... Just, no. Which is odd, because I love marriages in real life. Just, not in fic. For me, it doesn't work in 99.1 % of all cases. But feel free to prove me wrong on the remaining 0.9 %)
- "I love you", completely out of the blue. In fact, almost all "I love you's" in fic make me cringe, except for the very, very few authors who have a good handle on it and use it only once, and as a result of a long, long time of being together. All the other writers who spring it on you in an almost inflationary way? I wonder if "show, don't tell" means anything to them.
- "Siege" spelled as "Seige" (Dictionary. Dictionary! This is where I get really snappy and say that even as a non-native speaker, I can reach for a dictionary, so, as a native speaker, the author should do the same)
- "Teyla" spelled as "Taylya" (A little research, hm? It's not that hard)
- Kavanagh spelled as "Kavenaugh", and portrayed as an incompetent, slime-dripping, moronic arse. One story in which Kavanagh is treated more like Snape, maybe? Is that too much to ask?
- "Zelenka" spelled as "Zalenka"
- Carson using Scot-speak a lá Diana Gabaldon. It's ridiculous. We all know he has a Scottish accent, so, give it a rest, already. It hurts the eyes, precious.
- Rape treated without respect and written for cheap thrills and being cured with sex on the very next day. (Yes, I have ranted on this before)
- Crude terminology in sex-scenes. I remember one thing in particular which was so awful that it burned into my brain like acid: "(character a) came like a gangbuster all over the place". Seriously. Seriously.
- Sex out of the blue. The kind of: One day they looked at each other and suddenly realised that they were in love for ever and ever and couldn't keep their hands off each other. Uhm. What happened to slow build-up? To foreplay?
- Summaries starting with: "I have no clue and it's not very good, just read." Uhm. With a summary like that, why should I even start?
- Spoiler spelled as "Spolier", repeatedly.
- Sheppard behaving like a teenager with a crush and by that, I don't mean cute (because, really, cute John is just nothing anyone would ever want to pass on by), but mooning, doodling hearts and forgetting his duties (I realise that this happens mostly in het fic, but the occasional slash fic sadly has had it, too)
- Weir acting like the damsel in distress, breaking down crying repeatedly, waiting for the strong arms of John Sheppard/Ronon Dex/Rodney McKay to pull her up again. Seriously.
- Mary Sues that even have the same first name as the author.
- Stories that have very obviously not even been spell-checked. Few things hurt the eyes more than that. (And, yes, I realise that when there are typos in this post now, I will have to blush and hide for a long, long, long while. And I won't even play the non-native-speaker card. I'll just hide.)
To even that out a bit, a list of things I would love to see more of:
- Plot. Plot, plot and more plot. And, uhm, plot.
- Kisses. One well-described kiss can be so much hotter than all the sex you can come up with, if only it's done right.
- Touch. Yes, yes, personal kink, but there is so much skin. So much to touch, both in a shippy and a non-shippy way. Warmth, texture, caring, concern, reassurance - loving, detailed descriptions can say so much more than words. Besides, I'm still convinced that at least half of the higher-ranking people on Atlantis are severely touch-deprived.
- Kavanagh having more than one layer. He's like ... an onion! Show the layers!
- A story in which McKay and Sheppard do care for each other, but it's not eternal love with the best sex ever. In which they realise that sex between them just doesn't work, but friendship does.
- Speaking of McKay and Sheppard ... how about a story in which the sex is really, really bad? It's hardly believable that it's always the best sex they have ever had. Also, how come they're almost always pros? Why not show the little mishaps? It can't be perfect all the time. Especially not on the first time.
- More McKay/Carter and McKay/Cadman. Yes, with a bit of Sheppard in the mix, too, if the writer is so inclined.
- ONE Sheppard/Weir story that treats them as adults, not as silly teenagers. One story that actually makes me believe in the pairing. I have yet to be convinced.
Do you have something to add? Recs? I'd love your input.
eta: Several typos fixed. I'll be under that rock over there, hiding in shame.
So. When in doubt, rant.
Things I'd be incredibly glad if I never would find them in a story again:
- Sudden proposals. Drawn-out marriage fics in which Sheppard and McKay live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence. (And, actually, that goes for almost all marriage fics, het and slash, except for Wash/Zoe. Theirs is the only TV marriage that is both interesting and layered. For all the others ... Just, no. Which is odd, because I love marriages in real life. Just, not in fic. For me, it doesn't work in 99.1 % of all cases. But feel free to prove me wrong on the remaining 0.9 %)
- "I love you", completely out of the blue. In fact, almost all "I love you's" in fic make me cringe, except for the very, very few authors who have a good handle on it and use it only once, and as a result of a long, long time of being together. All the other writers who spring it on you in an almost inflationary way? I wonder if "show, don't tell" means anything to them.
- "Siege" spelled as "Seige" (Dictionary. Dictionary! This is where I get really snappy and say that even as a non-native speaker, I can reach for a dictionary, so, as a native speaker, the author should do the same)
- "Teyla" spelled as "Taylya" (A little research, hm? It's not that hard)
- Kavanagh spelled as "Kavenaugh", and portrayed as an incompetent, slime-dripping, moronic arse. One story in which Kavanagh is treated more like Snape, maybe? Is that too much to ask?
- "Zelenka" spelled as "Zalenka"
- Carson using Scot-speak a lá Diana Gabaldon. It's ridiculous. We all know he has a Scottish accent, so, give it a rest, already. It hurts the eyes, precious.
- Rape treated without respect and written for cheap thrills and being cured with sex on the very next day. (Yes, I have ranted on this before)
- Crude terminology in sex-scenes. I remember one thing in particular which was so awful that it burned into my brain like acid: "(character a) came like a gangbuster all over the place". Seriously. Seriously.
- Sex out of the blue. The kind of: One day they looked at each other and suddenly realised that they were in love for ever and ever and couldn't keep their hands off each other. Uhm. What happened to slow build-up? To foreplay?
- Summaries starting with: "I have no clue and it's not very good, just read." Uhm. With a summary like that, why should I even start?
- Spoiler spelled as "Spolier", repeatedly.
- Sheppard behaving like a teenager with a crush and by that, I don't mean cute (because, really, cute John is just nothing anyone would ever want to pass on by), but mooning, doodling hearts and forgetting his duties (I realise that this happens mostly in het fic, but the occasional slash fic sadly has had it, too)
- Weir acting like the damsel in distress, breaking down crying repeatedly, waiting for the strong arms of John Sheppard/Ronon Dex/Rodney McKay to pull her up again. Seriously.
- Mary Sues that even have the same first name as the author.
- Stories that have very obviously not even been spell-checked. Few things hurt the eyes more than that. (And, yes, I realise that when there are typos in this post now, I will have to blush and hide for a long, long, long while. And I won't even play the non-native-speaker card. I'll just hide.)
To even that out a bit, a list of things I would love to see more of:
- Plot. Plot, plot and more plot. And, uhm, plot.
- Kisses. One well-described kiss can be so much hotter than all the sex you can come up with, if only it's done right.
- Touch. Yes, yes, personal kink, but there is so much skin. So much to touch, both in a shippy and a non-shippy way. Warmth, texture, caring, concern, reassurance - loving, detailed descriptions can say so much more than words. Besides, I'm still convinced that at least half of the higher-ranking people on Atlantis are severely touch-deprived.
- Kavanagh having more than one layer. He's like ... an onion! Show the layers!
- A story in which McKay and Sheppard do care for each other, but it's not eternal love with the best sex ever. In which they realise that sex between them just doesn't work, but friendship does.
- Speaking of McKay and Sheppard ... how about a story in which the sex is really, really bad? It's hardly believable that it's always the best sex they have ever had. Also, how come they're almost always pros? Why not show the little mishaps? It can't be perfect all the time. Especially not on the first time.
- More McKay/Carter and McKay/Cadman. Yes, with a bit of Sheppard in the mix, too, if the writer is so inclined.
- ONE Sheppard/Weir story that treats them as adults, not as silly teenagers. One story that actually makes me believe in the pairing. I have yet to be convinced.
Do you have something to add? Recs? I'd love your input.
eta: Several typos fixed. I'll be under that rock over there, hiding in shame.
