New fic: "Tamed" SGA, G

[eretria]

So, apparently, the writer angst is battled. Thank you, all of you who listened to me flailing the other day. Your kind words helped immensely.

So, as a proof, here's a vignette. The things you come up with while petting your cat ...

Title: Tamed
Fandom: SGA
Rating: G
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Size: 303 words
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money gained or wanted.
Spoilers: None
Beta: enname and auburnnothenna
Summary: Of cats and parallels.




The first cat he had after he moved out of his tiny college apartment came from an animal shelter. He hadn’t had the patience to even think about training a kitten, no matter how cute they were. So he went to the shelter, depressing himself in the process, and picked a tabby with a white face and  belly. There were other, much louder cats that came up to him and bumped their heads to his shins. She didn't. She waited, watched from a distance with striking green eyes that looked vulnerable and lost, not understanding why she was here. Much later, he'd say that he had lost his heart to her immediately.

It was a long time before he could call her his cat. He spent weeks getting her to even notice him, to understand that she was really out of the shelter.

Another week went by before she came into his vague vicinity.

Several weeks before she allowed him to pet her.

She never got used to him scooping her up, hated closed doors.

But after a while, she would be waiting for him when he came home from the labs. Pushed her head into his hand when he absently petted her. Purred when he didn’t expect it, softly, to get his attention. Curled up on the couch next to him, a warm presence that didn’t demand anything but him being close.

One day, she disappeared through a window he had left open and didn’t return. He never found out what had happened to her.

Tonight, a draft of cool sea-air chills his bare arms. Rodney closes the window, then settles back on the bed. He looks at John sleeping, curled close to him, dark hair shining in the pale moonlight; his breath soft, almost a purr, and thinks of his first cat.

Fin

Comments

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

I like this a lot. Spare words but so much emotion.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dear.

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

Oh, lovely! Poignant and sweet and insightful. Thank you.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for commenting!

[sobelle.livejournal.com]

A sweetly affective and emotive glimpse into Rodney's past and present.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[auburnnothenna.livejournal.com]

There, see, you write gentle, lovely fic that illuminates Rodney's well-hidden soft heart. All the angst is for nothing.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Ah. Gentle and lovely. Uhm-hm. Just you wait until I really have my teeth into the thing you want nothing to do with because you think it's crazy. ;o)

But, uhm. *snuggles you*

[dar-jeeling.livejournal.com]

Aww, Rodney, now I wanna pet you.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Not from you.

[skeddy-kat.livejournal.com]

I'm utterly amazed that anyone could pack so much emotion and insight into 303 words. This was wonderful.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Since this is one of the shortest things I've ever written, your comment fills me with much happiness.
So glad that what I meant to show is actually visible to the reader.

[aurora]

Awwww, I think I kinda melted.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

*smiles*

[elmyraemilie.livejournal.com]

That's just wonderful. My cat approves.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[enname.livejournal.com]

*sips coffee in peaceful haze*

You know, I still love the way this is kinda open ended and kinda has not really a glimmer of hope to it. It just is the way things are, both John and the cat.

You know, I kinda think you're really cool. :)

[enname.livejournal.com]

*heads desk* Except the window! Good God, could I type what I am thinking for once? Just for once... obviously I need more of the coffee type stuff.

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Such a small, spare piece. I've had to come back to this, after reading, just to give time for it to percolate.

The layers are lovely. Dark, almost despairing, but lovely. The subtle comparison of his first cat escaping through an open window, to the closing of an Atlantis window, keeping in both Rodney and John, is almost subliminal. It doesn't appear despairing, to the first read, but the nuances are there.

Short can be so hard, but you nailed this.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Short is always, always hard - note how I nearly never write short things, and am constitutionally unable to write drabbles?
So, I'm very, very glad to hear that what I meant to tell fit into those 300 words.
As for a surprise - the original version didn't have the window closing bit, and thus was much more despairing originally. The glimmer of hope? Is in there thanks to a comment from Auburn. Strange role-reversal there, hm?

[fairestcat]

oh very nice. So much emotion in just a few words.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[amezri.livejournal.com]

Aww! That was so, so sweet. I really loved the imagery and the comparison between John and his first cat.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you. John has some rather feline features to him, so the comparison came easily. Glad you liked it!

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Oh *whimpers* So pretty and sweet and yes. Just yes.

*curls up with you*

[eretria.livejournal.com]

*shuffles and makes room for your on the couch*
*snuggles*

Thank you!

[mneiai.livejournal.com]

I really liked this, the description of Rodney's cat was wonderful. I especially liked the bit about her escaping out of the window, and then him closing the open window when he's with Sheppard, as if he's afraid John will wander away from him and not come back.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

The original version didn't have that added layer of hope, so really, you should thank Auburn for the more positive hue it got near the end. :o)
Thank you for the lovely comment!

[fatuorum.livejournal.com]

Awwww.... I just want to pet them all.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Believe me, me, too.

[shihadchick.livejournal.com]

oh, this is lovely. just enough in there to give a clear, vivid image on both accounts, and it's evocative without being too 'obvious', if that makes sense. i'm really not sure whether i'm more enthralled by Rodney with a half-wild cat or Rodney with a half-wild Sheppard...

thank you very much for sharing this.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

I think I'd have to go with the half-wild Sheppard. ;o) John just strikes me as having distinctly feline aspects to his personality (not to beat the metaphor to death, but I see him as someone who avoids contact at all costs until he decides he's ready for it, and until he comes to Rodney, not when Rodney wants him to come to him), and so the parallel came easy.
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful comment!

[shadowserenity.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is so lovely. Gentle even. The wording is so spare, yet it just touches you. Thank you for sharing :).

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the kind comment!
This story didn't see a lot of revising, it's pretty much straightforward from the first type-up, so I'm glad the spare wording worked out.

[melagan.livejournal.com]

This may not be long, but it still made me catch my breath.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Hearing that warms my heart. Thank you.

[lunasky.livejournal.com]

Poor Rodney. Such a lovely look into his past and so bitter sweet. John does kinda remind me of a cat and the metaphor fits him perfectly (or purrrfectly - sorry couldn't resist!) :)

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Heeh. You're forgiven, dear.

As for Rodney and his past ... I figured there had to have been more cats in his past. And you know how your first cat always leaves an impression.

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

This is lovely. They're just so... yeah... I want to hug them now.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Believe me, me, too.
Thank you for commenting!

[oxoniensis.livejournal.com]

So lovely.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[tazzles.livejournal.com]

Oh sweet. Nice.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[pollitt.livejournal.com]

You packed quite a punch in a short space. This was beautiful.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad to hear that. Thank you for the lovely comment.

[seratonation.livejournal.com]

aww that was so aww, I agree with whoever up there said that you got a lot of emotion and story in to such a small space (303 words!) and you did it really well :D

*sigh* now I want a John to snuggle with

[eretria.livejournal.com]

It is one of the shortest stories I've ever written, so to hear that it worked the wy I intended even in its sparse wording makes me very happy.
Thank you for the kind comment!

[saba1789.livejournal.com]

Awww, that's lovely. Thanks for writing and sharing it :-) .