Down and up

[eretria]

So, I'm on the verge of a stomach flu, am thus missing one of my last lectures as a post-grad student, have cold feet and am a bit cranky since the Monster is in its final throes and I already feel the withdrawal starting - after all, Auburn and I have been on this for over four months now without a break, seven days a week.

So. When in doubt, rant.

Things I'd be incredibly glad if I never would find them in a story again:

- Sudden proposals. Drawn-out marriage fics in which Sheppard and McKay live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence. (And, actually, that goes for almost all marriage fics, het and slash, except for Wash/Zoe. Theirs is the only TV marriage that is both interesting and layered. For all the others ... Just, no. Which is odd, because I love marriages in real life. Just, not in fic. For me, it doesn't work in 99.1 % of all cases. But feel free to prove me wrong on the remaining 0.9 %)

- "I love you", completely out of the blue. In fact, almost all "I love you's" in fic make me cringe, except for the very, very few authors who have a good handle on it and use it only once, and as a result of a long, long time of being together. All the other writers who spring it on you in an almost inflationary way? I wonder if "show, don't tell" means anything to them.

- "Siege" spelled as "Seige" (Dictionary. Dictionary! This is where I get really snappy and say that even as a non-native speaker, I can reach for a dictionary, so, as a native speaker, the author should do the same)

- "Teyla" spelled as "Taylya" (A little research, hm? It's not that hard)

- Kavanagh spelled as "Kavenaugh", and portrayed as an incompetent, slime-dripping, moronic arse. One story in which Kavanagh is treated more like Snape, maybe? Is that too much to ask?

- "Zelenka" spelled as "Zalenka"

- Carson using Scot-speak a lá Diana Gabaldon. It's ridiculous. We all know he has a Scottish accent, so, give it a rest, already. It hurts the eyes, precious.

- Rape treated without respect and written for cheap thrills and being cured with sex on the very next day. (Yes, I have ranted on this before)

- Crude terminology in sex-scenes. I remember one thing in particular which was so awful that it burned into my brain like acid: "(character a) came like a gangbuster all over the place". Seriously. Seriously.

- Sex out of the blue. The kind of: One day they looked at each other and suddenly realised that they were in love for ever and ever and couldn't keep their hands off each other. Uhm. What happened to slow build-up? To foreplay?

- Summaries starting with: "I have no clue and it's not very good, just read." Uhm. With a summary like that, why should I even start?

- Spoiler spelled as "Spolier", repeatedly.

- Sheppard behaving like a teenager with a crush and by that, I don't mean cute (because, really, cute John is just nothing anyone would ever want to pass on by), but mooning, doodling hearts and forgetting his duties (I realise that this happens mostly in het fic, but the occasional slash fic sadly has had it, too)

- Weir acting like the damsel in distress, breaking down crying repeatedly, waiting for the strong arms of John Sheppard/Ronon Dex/Rodney McKay to pull her up again. Seriously.

- Mary Sues that even have the same first name as the author.

- Stories that have very obviously not even been spell-checked. Few things hurt the eyes more than that. (And, yes, I realise that when there are typos in this post now, I will have to blush and hide for a long, long, long while. And I won't even play the non-native-speaker card. I'll just hide.)


To even that out a bit, a list of things I would love to see more of:

- Plot. Plot, plot and more plot. And, uhm, plot.

- Kisses. One well-described kiss can be so much hotter than all the sex you can come up with, if only it's done right.

- Touch. Yes, yes, personal kink, but there is so much skin. So much to touch, both in a shippy and a non-shippy way. Warmth, texture, caring, concern, reassurance - loving, detailed descriptions can say so much more than words. Besides, I'm still convinced that at least half of the higher-ranking people on Atlantis are severely touch-deprived.

- Kavanagh having more than one layer. He's like ... an onion! Show the layers!

- A story in which McKay and Sheppard do care for each other, but it's not eternal love with the best sex ever. In which they realise that sex between them just doesn't work, but friendship does.

- Speaking of McKay and Sheppard ... how about a story in which the sex is really, really bad? It's hardly believable that it's always the best sex they have ever had. Also, how come they're almost always pros? Why not show the little mishaps? It can't be perfect all the time. Especially not on the first time.

- More McKay/Carter and McKay/Cadman. Yes, with a bit of Sheppard in the mix, too, if the writer is so inclined.

- ONE Sheppard/Weir story that treats them as adults, not as silly teenagers. One story that actually makes me believe in the pairing. I have yet to be convinced.


Do you have something to add? Recs? I'd love your input.

eta: Several typos fixed. I'll be under that rock over there, hiding in shame.

Comments

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

Don't s'pose I can rec the monster? :)
The end of part 1 still has my heart and throat throttled, what with you two having written one of the few scenes in fandom that made me go 'poor Liz' without retching.

But for a rec, have you seen All of Eden (http://www.livejournal.com/community/mckay_sheppard/423414.html) by Nixa Jane? The summary doesn't do it justice. I glanced at it on mckay_sheppard and only went back and read it after ltlj recced it.
I then got into one of my interminable meta discussions with the writer, and have found someone new to stalk :)

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I forgot!!!

Found this on svmadelyn's lj. It is terrifying, especially when you consider that this is a Smallville and SGA sort-of-cracked-not!Secret Santa. People are going to have to write these stories.

svmadelyn's post (http://www.livejournal.com/users/svmadelyn/319665.html)

The Poll (http://www.livejournal.com/poll/?id=644932&qid=1&mode=ans)

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Don't s'pose I can rec the monster? :)

You can when we have it done. :o)

And thenk you for the rec, I shall give it a read.

and have found someone new to stalk :)

*highly dramatic sigh* I feel so replaced now.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Oh, Christ. That makes the brain ache. Aiiii.

[alyse]

::snerk:: You sound like me, especially about the fandom needing more McKay/Carter and Kavanagh.

Re: Sheppard/Weir, I don't generally read that pairing (I'm more of a McKay/Sheppard/Weir or Weir/Zelenka girl), but I did rec one on jamficrecs ages ago: Mornings After by Little Red. The only annoying thing about it is Elizabeth constantly being referred to as 'Liz' in the story, which I can't personally see.

I'm sure we've featured Sheppard/Weir stories on Wraithbait. I can dig them out if you'd like.

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

*highly dramatic sigh* I feel so replaced now.

Feed me, Seymour, and you will stay forever on my stalking list :)

Doesn't that sound nice? *veg*

[eretria.livejournal.com]

McKay/Carter is far too rare in the fandom. Which is sad, because they have a huge amount of chemistry. I wouldn't be too happy if they went that way on the show, not for long, that is, but in fiction? All the way.
And Kavanagh ... I had been hoping for some stories featuring him after Critical Mass, but apparently, 90 % of the fandom prefer to see him as a one-dimensional character. Which is too sad.

Liz, hm? That is one thing that bugs me to no end, and the one thing I have made sure to never write when referring to Elizabeth. Somehow, she strikes me as a person to not allow that kind of nickname.
But I'm giving the story a try, thank you.

As for other Sheppard/Weir ... I don't really read the pairing for reasons that most authors just can't sell me on the pairing. I just get tired of all slash, all the time every once in a while.
So, if you have one that stands out and treats them as adults, I'm all ears.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

*squints*

You do subtle really well.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Aiiii. Ouch. That's what you get for replying in a rush. Why don't the comments have an edit-feature? I know how to write Thank You. I really, truly do.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

I'm more of a McKay/Sheppard/Weir or Weir/Zelenka girl

Just to say how very, very much I second that statement. I haven't gotten out of the Weir/Sheppard/McKay headspace for almost five months now. Every. Single. Day. So that made your story even more of a treat. (Can I just gush and flail a bit about that story again? Because I feel like I haven't done enough of that yet.)

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

I know how to write Thank You. I really, truly do.

But the knee-jerk reaction is often the truest! :)

I am sitting here, with one screen open in lj, another playing Threshold, waiting for the repeat of 1st season Lost to start in 35 minutes.

I don't think I can do subtle right now... :)

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

And thenk you for the rec

I know how to write Thank You. I really, truly do.

Ohhh, the typo?! And I thought for a moment that you were frightened I'd take the subtle comment badly and were thanking me for keeping you on my stalking list! :)

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

bugger, forgot to take off the italics. Which fits in nicely with your rant.

We are both stuffed...

[eretria.livejournal.com]

:o)
Do you have cold feet, too? Because I for one am blaming everything on my cold feet. Mh-hm.

[munchkinofdoom.livejournal.com]

Do you have cold feet, too? Because I for one am blaming everything on my cold feet. Mh-hm.

Don't have that luxury... having a very hot summer over here :)

Am just going to blame it all on too much television. (nods sagely)

And anyway, I function very well with my foot in my mouth, thank you very much...

[tinny]

- Mary Sues that even have the same first name as the author.

*LOL*

how about a story in which the sex is really, really bad? Why not show the little mishaps?

Yesyesyes! I am such a sucker for bad-sex stories. Or clumsy-sex stories where people end up laughing with each other, totally killing the mood, instead of having sex. So much too little of that!

- More McKay/Carter and McKay/Cadman. Yes, with a bit of Sheppard in the mix, too.

With those two pairings? I can totally go without Sheppard. I love both Carter and Cadman. And I agree, they shouldn't really go that way in canon (I really hope they keep it watchable).

jennyo has written three McKay/Cadman stories that she hasn't promoted anywhere, I think. Let me see if I can find her site again. I'm not sure you'll like them, since her style is usually pretty rough and the characters are never nice to each other. Their motivation very seldom is love. I liked this one, though:

http://jennyo.imjustsayin.net/walkingonsunshine.html

It's the only fic I know that uses the sentence "Oh my god, are you having an orgasm?" to positive effect. :))))

Anyway, I think I have the complete set of McKay/Cadman and McKay/Carter fic on my harddrive. I don't think there are more than ten each. :((( Also, there's a community mckay_cadman, but it's... small.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Eeeee! Thank you! I had read this story ages ago, and had forgotten to bookmark it and then couldn't find it again for the life of me. Thank you!!!

Hm. Say, what does a woman have to do to get those folders transferred to my harddrive? (Babyphotos? Yes? I take terrific baby-pictures. Uhm. Wow. Way to be modest.)

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Check yer mail, kiddo. *bg*

- Kavanagh having more than one layer. He's like ... an onion! Show the layers!

*snorfle*

I adore that - but I *am* the person who made his balls fall off, so...

McKay/Cadman. Yes, with a bit of Sheppard in the mix, too.

I second that!! But then, I do have a thing for Cadman. Why don't people write more of her? If I didn't have my plate so full, what with writing the second part of your b-day fic as soon as spy_santa and that other Secret Santa thing are done, I'd tackle her.

I, too, dislike pretty much all the things you list up there -- and, yet again, I'M SO WITH YOU RE: THAT VERY LAST ITEM.

Seriously.

[tinny]

Say, what does a woman have to do to get those folders transferred to my harddrive?

Hee. :) Nothing, really. :) Just wait until I get home and maybe remind me if I forget.

Also, tell me if there are stories that you have and I don't!

p.s.: if you'd like to make baby pictures, you're welcome to come visit during your summer vacation! (assuming you get one?) As long as it's not in the first few weeks after the birth, I'd be happy to have you.

p.p.s.: wee, nice icon!

[lunasky.livejournal.com]

And, actually, that goes for all marriage fics, het and slash, except for Wash/Zoe. Theirs is the only TV marriage that is both interesting and layered. For all the others ... Just, no.

Whoops! Sorry. *hides* :)

I've read a few Sheppard/Weir fics that were pretty decent, but there's nothing like the epics you see around for Sheppard/McKay. Because I love the slow build too. Sadly, everytime I see 'Liz' I have to run away, which also limits the number of fics out there.

Speaking of McKay and Sheppard ... how about a story in which the sex is really, really bad? It's hardly believable that it's always the best sex they have ever had. Also, how come they're almost always pros? Why not show the little mishaps? It can't be perfect all the time.

That would be truly hilarious -Someone seriously needs to write that. *looks imploringly at you* What? You did say you were feeling withdrawl now that the Monster is almost done. :)

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Whoops! Sorry. *hides* :)

I do make exceptions to the rule, you know? That's what my lawyer-heart requires. No rule without an exception. And in yours, it was more of a passing mention, not the focus of the story. And that's what I was referring to. In future-fics, and mentioned in passing, I can stomach it. If it's the focus of the story ... erm. It's sadly one of the reasons I stopped reading a very popular author in this fandom: When a story already starts with a wedding ring, my inner radar says: Danger, Will Robinson, and makes a strategic retreat. Even more sadly, all the following stories in the series were the same, and so I passed them by completely. I'm perfectly okay with other people loving it, it's just absolutely not my cup of tea.

Because I love the slow build too.

There! That, exactly. It seems as though people just don't take the time to be as elaborate for het pairings as they are for slash pairings. Which is such a shame - there are stories to tell on the other side, too. You don't suddenly decide you're in love in real life, do you? It takes time. Why don't people take that time?

Sadly, everytime I see 'Liz' I have to run away

*snerk* We should start running together. I'm sure it's more fun that way.

*looks imploringly at you* What? You did say you were feeling withdrawl now that the Monster is almost done. :)

Woman, I wrote my first slash-scene ever for the monster, and only because Auburn held my hand, and now you're asking me to start in an explicit one on my own? Let me start in a smaller scale, hm? An idea is there. :o)

[eretria.livejournal.com]

Darling!
How's court-life treating you?

but I *am* the person who made his balls fall off, so...

*snerk* You'd better make amend, then, hm?

Why don't people write more of her?

Is this the point where I whistle innocently and mention something about a story that Kat and I are planning? Obviously, the monster has spoiled me and I'm now constitutionally unable to write on my own again. But, er, yeah. If all goes well, there's a Cadman story coming up.

Seriously.

It really makes me mad sometimes - why is there so little good het out there? I do swing both ways, taste-wise (and would you have believed you'd ever hear me say that, half a year ago?), and every once in a while, I'd love to see good het. To have a balanced fic-diet, so to speak.

[eretria.livejournal.com]

If you don't already know them, agentotter has some truly spectacular McKay/Carter stories out there:

Five ways Rodney and Sam never made out (http://www.livejournal.com/users/agentotter/229093.html)

Ex gratia - Done as favour (The second way Sam and Rodney nevr made out) (http://www.livejournal.com/users/agentotter/230047.html)

- de profundis - up from the depths - (http://www.livejournal.com/users/agentotter/233344.html)

Summer vacation depends - if I start at the public prosecution service by that time, summer will be a bad choice. But, we'll see, hm?

Icon-praise should go to monanotlisa, by the way.

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

- Speaking of McKay and Sheppard ... how about a story in which the sex is really, really bad? It's hardly believable that it's always the best sex they have ever had. Also, how come they're almost always pros? Why not show the little mishaps? It can't be perfect all the time. Especially not on the first time.

Torch has a hilarious and hot story dealing about this topic. A Joint Problem (http://www.strangeplaces.net/torch/joint.html)

As for the rest of your list, can I just say A-fucking-men

[eretria.livejournal.com]

God, yeah. I completely forgot that one. Thank you for reminding me. So good to know that this kind of story actually exists.

As for the rest of your list, can I just say A-fucking-men

It's good to know I'm not alone in this. So, uhm. Tea?